03/16/2025 I have had seasons in my life, where I learned about spiritual warfare from books, from the Bible mostly. But then there have been seasons of absolutely wretchedness where my sins would take over my attention, and I wanted to reflect here about one of those seasons. “Keeping your eyes on Jesus” takes on a new level of understanding, when a person has had much wickedness of their own heart revealed to them. I have had seasons of trial before and since; but please prayerfully read below, and I pray this helps someone.

(2010 Spring): Though I would like to see God’s grandeurs, it seems that I’m unlike others – I must get through the very wretched first. (This is what I told myself, and it was right to do so). “And we know that in all things works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Consequently, that season was known for having super bright moments of glory in prayer here and there, but mostly remembered as holding on the cross for dear life, even more than usual. I literally did hold a small wooden cross in my hand for a while for concentration, and it helped me to grip God. I believed if I could have made a crude comparison, I was haunted by what I perceived were demons that I labeled as “frogs” and “toads”. The frogs were the demons that seemed as demons known for illustrating an outward word (cussed by someone else) or feeling (cursing others w emotions), perhaps a very vulgar word, or as one that had been shown to me in a (literal) vision. The demon (of the sin) could attached to like a foul word heard on a newscast or movie. I felt like another form of a “frog” could be like a persisting dream with an evil image; so, something like an outward demon. Because I had to fight viciously to keep my crooked mind clean, I saw the truth more and more in Ephesians 4:29: “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building other’s up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Not only had I realized that the profanities really and truly were attached to literal demons, but I fortified my conscience against the idea of any “saint” who touted that profanity was not a sin. Many believers who have touted that lie, have fallen away. It should not have a Christian’s toleration or consent, in regards to continual fellowship in the spirit. “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit” (Romans 8:5). It was as clear as heavenly crystal to me, that there was no profanity in heaven at all; therefore, it was evil. What would demons be associated with if not filthy speech and blasphemies? That’s the opposite of praise, and the spirit enables us to praise! Then the “toads” were the demon(s) that were in me, so that when I was tempted within myself (not provoked by anything other than wickedness), I didn’t withstand the devils’ schemes until they were overcome. And if I had seen a vision or struggled inwardly with the thought of saying something vile – but then not saying it but felt tempted by it – I got angry; that I was expected to withstand that! Indeed, I was angry enough to cuss myself out for cussing! But by submitting my will a lot, I could overcome an inward “toad”, which was (like) an inward demon or type of wickedness or some type of rebellion within that can only be overcome by powerful prayers of agreeing believers, prayer and fasting, and the mercy and Sovereignty of God.[1] I had to “push down” in prayer, and push myself into concentration further, but I didn’t have to try so hard, because I was plenty terrified into it. But even in all that tribulation and weakness, God had plans for us; Though many people would think a person with extreme spiritual warfare is just “sick”, it was only very true that they need the shelter and prayers of as many Jesus-people available that could stand to pray for them.

[1] “And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils.” (Luke 8:2 KJV)