Must Stay Positive
From when I was first saved and all the way up to present day, the Lord has given me the sense and the strength to choose a road of hope and faith. Where I would have times of fear of worrying about things were going to turn out in a situation, I would somehow hold out a belief/notion that God would ultimately take care of things. I remember that I would have anxiety over a friend’s salvation (when I was first saved) because she had a lot of oppression and religious spirits attacking her. It was moments that I saw her crying out to God in desperation that caused me to be propelled into hope for something better. I would stay strong and positively reaffirm God’s truths, even when it took all faith to be certain of what I could not see or feel at all. I chose to believe the devil would not have victory her when I saw her in agony. In 2008, I was so made aware of the seriousness and gravity of my salvation state. This was because I had uncovered in myself, deep in my soul, some rebellion that I had not put out before. It was a new kind of rebellion that was insidious and felt horrid in me. It let to guilt and shame. This revelation or realization of my own depravity, more severe than ever before, put me in like a spiritual state of shock. Others would not have noticed so much what was going on inside of me when I would feel it. What would happen is that the Spirit would attest to the truth inside me, and I would turn myself inwardly against that truth. Hard to explain, but it was more a feeling than using words like prayer. When this would happen, I could feel myself perishing. It was a strange feeling that came over my body – not a good one. I knew I would really, truly die if I persisted against all good conscience in that evil feeling. If I stayed in God and thought positively, however, I had chance at real life in God. And to come back to God so willingly and desperate for my life brought me great joy at every turn! In addition to staying in obedience, I now had need more than I could realize of choosing Heaven vs. Hell and that truth would reign. I really do feel that if I had chosen the negative path of rebellion, I would be dead literally by now – long time ago, too. But I chose the non-negative/positive path of having hope when everything around seems like a failure. Positivity also means to me that instead of trying to envision Hell, demons, fire, eternal separation from God, I meditate on more pleasant things – envisioning Jesus on the cross, repentance, musing over Scriptures praying for others, etc. If I were to focus energy on contemplating Hell, I would not be healthy not having hope, or constantly feeling like I couldn’t make it to Heaven. I do think that some measure of thinking about Hell is necessary, when converting to Jesus. I believe nurture always comes first with the Lord to bring us to repentance (Romans 2:4), but right away the Fear of the Lord should be there to grab your own soul up from the flames. As for me, I am weak in the sense I am not mature enough to think upon Hell real often, unless my sinful flesh or the Lord remind me that that place is what I deserve. So as for my view in this Christian life, I must stay on the hope side of the gospel. That through Jesus, I “might be saved” John 3:17b. 🙂
Rebekah's Reflections 