I had realized the other night when talking with John that there are several ways in which I knew for sure that I was born again in 2005, when the event occurred, and though it occurred during a season, I had several different factors that made me totally sure of my salvation having occurred then. The several main reasons that I found to be the indicators were:
- I heard an eternal call what John (husband) calls a “saving call” where I could see that Jesus alone was the Lord and – could then hear from the Lord as my own Lord.”Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” Romans 10:17 Before hearing a word deep in my spirit, which is something mysterious and supernatural I can’t adequately explain (but will try), I always seemed to see God from afar off, like when I would try to pray to sing to the Lord, I didn’t seem to understand or grasp what I was saying to Him, and especially not hearing anything back. Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ. Romans 10:17 I had had it told to me a million times the story of Jesus on the cross, but faith had not been initiated in me, that is real faith that could be felt. I heard an eternal word through Jim Nesbit and the Lord had started dealing with me personally through the end of 2004 and beginning of 2005. No longer was Jesus someone who was far away, but I could actually within myself see that Jesus the Lord was the real Lord, the Lord of all things. I could hear from Heaven so clear as if there had been a trumpet to alarm me to war. I could not discern Jesus before but once realizing His grace to me, I felt such joy that I hadn’t experienced ever before! My spiritual eyes were opened, and my understanding was enlightened. There was a feeling of completion, a feeling like I had finally arrived to a point where I could find God and realize that He was right there for me. Mark 4:9 9 Then Jesus said, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
- Jesus is the Christ – I realized that when I got born again, I felt like I could see Jesus as actually being my Lord. Not just in the general belief sense like I believe that He existed, but in the sense of Him being the King, the pinnacle of all things, and the achieved peace of my soul! I remember when people would ask me over the year about salvation, or when I found myself talking to them about it, I would say out loud something that just came out of my spirit, and that was one of the indicators to me that I knew Jesus was God. I actually had an inkling in myself that I needed to share my testimony with everyone that I could. This impulse was something that no one told me to do, it must have been put there by God by His deposited Holy Spirit. I had not ever felt an impulse as such that I knew was put there by God. No one gave me the idea to tell the entire college campus through their emails that I had found Jesus. I just knew I had to do it, because I felt compelled. I had not seen anyone do that before, so I don’t think it would have come in my mind any other way but by revelation and conviction from God himself.
- Thoughts of a man’ spirit within Him – I Corinthians 2:11 “For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” When I found Christ in 2005, or when He rather found me, I started to be able to find Him i my thoughts and also I found that I could realize what I was thinking. For 18/19 years I had been so blind to the thoughts of my heart, not 100% – but for the most part. There were a few times where I can look back to my years growing up and see where conviction was playing a part. I would know that I should or shouldn’t do something because of a social, morality understanding of right and wrong (growing up prior to college) and others telling me, but I started to see within myself upon turning 19 that my heart had bad feelings, thoughts, and sins coming out of it. I also saw that there were things in my heart that were revealed in prophecies that were secrets laid bare that helped me to understand who I was, what God wanted, why I did the things I did, etc. Prophecy is all about knowing the thoughts, the future, and the secrets, and symbolisms, etc. Karrie Frith prophesied over me some things that God alone would know, and afterwards, she could not remember any of the things she had said, which was a sign to me that could couldn’t have made it up even if she wanted to.
When I realized more about the thoughts within myself, and put them alongside Scripture to see what was right, I found that God was definitely more interested and involved with me that I ever realized before. Like I said before, I had seen things peripherally for years and years, always wanting to be “in “ with God, but never realizing He was there all along, it was just my understanding that needed changing. When I would open the Bible, which happened to be so much more often because I had a craving desire to learn from God, the Words on the page were like what I could see as coming straight from Heaven, meant for me – Rebekah Lucas, at that time. I had been to so many services, church trips, conferences, youth camps, but I was so distracted by things around Jesus and the Bible that I never got still enough to realize how near God could be. I’m sure there are people mad at me for not ever vocally reconciling what had happened to me prior to college, compared with my “new found testimony”, and I should have had the sense to communicate it, but I didn’t and for that I am sorry. I have thought about it several times sense, and feel that all that I had experienced prior to be 18 and 19 was preparing me for new birth, some theme of prevenient grace or something. I had even had some experiences of crying out to God from the base of my spirit, but then days later would be found in my idolatries again. Upon really being born again, I saw that I had to be born again to see the kingdom of God. Born from Heaven above. Not saying a prayer, signing a card, telling having someone else counsel me, but having a spiritual birth just like 19 years earlier, I had a physical one. The born again experience: “But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim:” Romans 10:8 I was born from above, and thus so, conflicted with what many others believed or did NOT believe in.
4. Seeds along the path – When I thought I was saved before, I remember the word of God not getting very far in me. I had the “worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desire for other things” clouding my view and blocking me from getting further. I mainly majored in the “worries of this life” and the “desires for other things” part. Mark 4:19. I had so much concern from what others thought of me and I remember this from like 8 or 9 years old and upward. I also wanted other things, popularity, social status, softball, to prove myself to others in sports or music or anything but God, etc. I had had a general and goodly desire for God, but never realized just how pertinent it was that I really heeded and paid attention more closely to what God was saying. I also seemed to have very little “root” in what Jesus was saying and what the BIble was saying. Mark 4:6.6 “But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.” I had not let the Word of God take root in me as it seemed to do in Regina and others around me when I was younger. I wanted to have God but I wanted to have all my stuff too for my whole upbringing, but God wanted me to have ALL things in HIs Son Christ Jesus instead of everything else. I realize looking back that there were many many times the Lord Jesus grabbed my attention, but every time I got distracted by a million other things the moment I walked out of the church door. I was convicted of sin and “saved” a million times, so called, but then I became idolatrous, distracted, worried about what others thought, desiring of other things besides God whether it be reputation, some random desires, or a guy, or just selfishness. So, the story of the sower and the seed hits home in clarity that though Jesus would call to us as many times as He has patience for, if we don’t let the word take root it doesn’t matter how many respond half-heartedly, we must get the Word in deep to the core to hear eternity.
5. Blind, but then I saw – light versus dark – When the light shone on my heart and my eyes were opened, I had the clear picture of what sin was versus what righteousness was. I was blessed to have grown up with Scriptures around me in church and influence, but when my spiritual eyes were opened, I could see the day from the night, the dark from the light, and the wrong from the right. Just as the man who was born blind was healed said, I was blind, but now I see. See, beforehand, I had some small amount of understanding that kept me from getting drunk, having sex before marriage, using profanity, – basic general requirements of morality, but when I was born again, I had a new idea of righteousness not only being the above things, but now the right living would be birthed from my heart and then influencing my actions. Instead of living by righteousness outside-in, I found righteousness inside-out. In the chapter of John 9, I find myself similar to the man born blind. I was born in darkness in my sins, and it was like Jesus had put mud on my eyes, and then healed my sight, my spiritual sight. The church leaders were convinced that the man who converted me was a sinner and persecuted him and made sure he was thrown out. But, nonetheless, they could not tell me that I could not see with spiritual eyes. I was blind, but now I see! – just like this man born blind. And, yes, I do believe that the man who was responsible for healing me is a prophet.