03/15/2024
Personal Experience 2005 to 2007 and The Beginning of a Book I’m Writing on Teresa’s Interior Castle by Kieran Kavanaugh
I felt it was appropriate to attempt to recall a brief overview of my history, from the beginning of life memories until now. I acknowledge seeing God’s prevenient grace on my life, and being born again, and continuing in Him and walking a Christian journey to the what I feel is a period now called for me the “7th Dwelling”, to highlight a few things from the dwelling periods or seasons, to the best I felt I could divide the experiences into those respective dwellings. Before 18 and 19 years old – I was very fortunate to grow up in a Christian community, that highlighted the importance of church and goodly community. I learned a lot about loving the Word of God, knowing I wanted to do God’s will, and learning while watching other people get filled with the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues, a delightful and supernatural type of behavior, among other Holy Spirit manifestations. My parents believed in going to church, and so we did that as much as was possible. I had two older sisters that loved the Lord, and my younger twin sister kept me from hell’s flames more than once. I loved God also but was too encumbered and enamored by other things to see Him like I should have. I personally did not have a genuine “Speaking in tongues” experience prior to 2004, but did see and have access to people genuinely having that, and was blessed to see it. I remember specifically once being around 7 years old, and seeing an elderly woman in church walking up and down the aisles, praying in tongues, and prophesying as if she was in heaven and not on earth. And she was considered a remnant of an age of Pentecostal worship and activity that was foreign to the world, and to even much of the Christian world, as best I could tell. I saw her and was truly frightened that perhaps it was the devil making her talk like that, and then I guess Dad or my sister, or Mom or someone told me that she was speaking in tongues, and though afraid, I concluded it could be God. So, I just observed for some more years, and wondered at that, even sometimes desiring it, but mostly hearing about it and seeing stuff about it while growing up. “For anyone who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men but to God. Indeed, no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit” (1 Corinthians 14:2). That was a heritage that had me in a divine place, and I will not deny it, although much of my path lived has since been away from there. At 18 years old, I was really starting to seek the Lord, not being able to really hear from Him myself – though I knew about prophetic things. Occasionally, I would pray for healings for people (on my own, not by means of laying on of hands), and carrying around a Bible at school. My twin sister knew she wanted to study ministry, and I followed her to college. I didn’t think I was ready for a ministerial path because I could not feel God and did not have any instruction to do so, but I loved God and I knew I wanted to be in a Christian place. Since it was a Pentecostal related school, and felt like youth camp from growing up, that direction sounded good to me.
1st Dwelling – In 2004 and 2005, I was listening to some (Christian) teachers telling their life story at a relationship forum, and then I had a vision a few days later (like a literal picture one), where I saw what I could only describe as “eternity”, and something like a light dividing the darkness, and I knew instantly it was an eternal thing when it happened. I didn’t reveal the vision part to anyone right away, but I started journaling and seriously looking at my Bible more. God was starting a born-again process in me, one that required being able to see a spiritual kingdom. And I am surer of that every day. As I started to seek out God, I found Him among people on the college campus who wanted to talk about Jesus, Jesus, and well, more Jesus! I had influence upon my life to know at least that being a “Jesus-freak” was a good thing, and so I liked being around people that wanted to pray on their own time, girls that worshipped in their dorms and services and rooms, in their spare time, and anyone who seemed to have fire to talk about God. Then I began to see with new spiritual eyes that it was Ok to hunger for God in such a way, and I was like a little baby, just learning to see what the “supernatural” kingdom of God was like. Immediately I told everyone my good news. That is, the good news I had always heard, but somehow had missed Heaven breaking through until that time. I did have some strange looks, and people were weirded out, but I started to see the extent of the Scriptures breaking through in my heart as my attitudes changed. Then in some months to a year or so later, I began to have some persecution, and by the grace of God, gave myself to the Word and to learning about meditating, ruminating, and filling myself up with Scriptures. “Let the word of Christ dwell within you richly, as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God” (Colossians 3:16). Amazingly, I began to have something I would call like a “prophetic impulse”, where I really believed God gave me mini missions to accomplish, and so I did. “Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word” (Psalms 103:20). I believe that this was the result of walking penitent before God, thinking clearly because of teachings from other believers with the Scriptures as guidance, and praying a lot. Also, I was around good influences. The first thing I desired to do and felt God commanded me to do was to tell the good news that I had received from Jesus a knowledge that God was not angry with me anymore, because He looked at Jesus’ sacrifice, and was pleased with me. I’m not sure if that would be called “Imputation”, but it liberated me because I understood Jesus’ blood was enough to pay God’s anger off. I really perceived and understood it! I began to be thankful, too. Also, realizing now that “God is not angry with me anymore” sounds like a super-simplified idea, for me I know I needed to process that, really hear it, from above. This was the word that made me so enamored with the cross. I had lived almost 20 years in dread of displeasing the Lord, and to know that there was a remedy for that was appealing to me! The cross found me 😊. Another time the Lord led me to prophesy at a church service on campus. Then there was another time I give an interpretation of a person speaking in tongues at a service. Somehow, I knew when it happened that was God’s will, and my spirit was churning in me until I was to respond. Additionally, I started to develop a small sense of the knowledge of myself in the Lord, and though busied by many things, came to see that my soul was precious to God, and I did above and beyond (in His power) what I could to give my soul to God. “For whoever wants to save His life will lose it, but whoever loses His life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25). I overcame sins that started to be revealed to me when I read Scriptures, by repenting as best I could, because I was being taught about repentance by the same family that shared their life story. They did not teach a form of repentance at all, in a sense of how to use the right words, but more so like a lifestyle choice, and like an attitude of always wanting to be “squeaky-clean”. They helped me a lot, and many others did too, to whom I owe much of my salvation to. So, for about 2 years from 2005 to 2007, I grew up quickly as a spiritual babe into a child-state believer, I guess, as it didn’t take long for me to find eternal friends. Many people have told me that you make friends in college that you’ll keep forever. I hope so. In 2007, I felt led by a prophetic voice to go to a school back in my home state for my senior year of college, and there I met my husband to be and “fell into his lap”, by God’s leading, with an overwhelming since of joy and homecoming! We met at the end of August 2007, and were engaged within 9 days of our first introductions! We had over 40 signs and followed the word, and I fulfilled almost to the T every bullet he had been praying on his wife list for about 5 years. (This is the beginning of the Lord’s eternal work in me. And I pray I can have grace to keep writing it!) The end of the first stage/part/dwelling for me, and the intro to a big book project.
Rebekah's Reflections 